How to Stop Failing & Start Succeeding! (PART 2)

In part one of this article we discussed how it takes a lifetime to fail, but only about six years or so to succeed. In order to begin succeeding, one must become prepared.

THE PREPARATION STAGE – PREPARING FOR SUCCESS

The Day of Disgust

One of the things that needs to happen in the preparation stage is for you to experience your day of disgust. This is a day when something bad happens to you that causes you to say, I’m not going to live like this any more. And that experience becomes the catapult that launches you into a better life. I’ll give you a few examples.

A successful executive for a large company works 80 hours a week. He takes no time for himself, and his health is failing. He needs to get from the lobby of a hotel to the third floor. There’s a line at the elevator, so he decides to take the stairs. After climbing one flight he’s breathing heavy and beginning to sweat. In the middle of the second flight, he’s gasping for air. Just prior to reaching the third floor, he falls onto the steps completely spent, and says, “I not going to live like this anymore!”

An obese woman walks into her favorite fast food restaurant to enjoy a double cheeseburger and their world famous chili-cheese fries. After ordering, she takes her tray of food and looks for an open table. She can’t even wait to sit down. She grabs a couple of fries dripping with chili and crams them into her watering mouth. She gets lost in ecstasy for just a moment, but then finds a table, sits down and crack!!! Her chair broke and collapsed under her weight. She was laid out on her back looking up at the ceiling, and is subjected to hearing teenagers at the table next to her laugh at her misfortune. She’s horribly embarrassed. Her first thought was, I am going to sue these &^*%! But her second thought came as the restaurant manager streigned to get her to her feet. As she got her balance, she saw all the food on her tray, the double cheeseburger, the large chili-cheese fries, the fried jalapenos, the three sides of ranch dressing, and the giant Coke, disgusted by her self, she thought, “I don’t want to live like this anymore!”

A woman is getting ready for bed, wondering where her husband is… again. She hears the front door open and can immediately tell, he’s drunk… again. Before she knows it, he’s yelling at her… again, and he has her by the throat… again, and she finally says to her self, “I am not going to live like this any more.”

And then my own personal experience. I was the live-in landlord of the house I was living in in 1999. In exchange for not having to pay rent, my job was to collect the rent from the other 4 broke guys that also lived in the house, and, mow the yard once a week. One day while mowing the yard, out of the corner of my eye, I see a man running down the street as fast as he could, holding a weed wacker, a weed-eater. And I thought to myself, WOW! That’s weird. You don’t see that every day. And I continued mowing. Then again, out of the corner of my eye, I see something else. It was a pit pull running as fast he could run barking and snarling, chasing the guy with the weed-wacker! And I thought, WOW!!! That’s weird! You don’t see that every day! And then I notice another guy running as fast he could run down the middle of the street with a gun in his hand! And I thought, WOW!!! That’s weird! You don’t see that every day! And then, Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Four shots! While slowly lowering myself to lay face down on the grass, I thought to myself, WOW!!! Now this is really weird! You just don’t see this every day!

So I’m laying there, on the ground, with my face, pressed into….. an ant hill (and these aren’t sugar ants, these are Texas fire ants), and I’m thinking to myself, “I’m not going to live like this anymore!”

For Jim Rohn, it was lying to the girl scout who knocked on his door wanting to sell him cookies. He didn’t have $2 for a box of cookies, and rather than tell her he didn’t have the money, he did what he jokingly described as, “the next best thing.” He lied. He told her he already bought cookies and he didn’t need anymore. She thanked him, wished him well and went on to the next door. Meanwhile he was left alone to contemplate the pathetic thing he did; lying to a girl scout. And he said to himself, ”I don’t want to live like this anymore!”

That, is the day of disgust. And if you have not yet experienced it, I wish that you will. I don’t wish anything bad upon anyone, but I do hope that everyone, for their own good, reach a point in their life where the pain becomes unbearable. If the pain becomes unlivable, change is easy. But if it’s bearable, it’s much easier to continue living out a life of mediocrity, and even silent despair.

It’s amazing what a person who is starving to death will do for a bite of food. Sometimes we don’t do the things we know we should do simply because we are not hungry enough. But when you get hungry, odds are, you’ll get going!

Taking the Road of Responsibility

One of the hardest things in life to do, is to accept the fact that we are the masters of our own fate. That we are ultimately responsible for everything in our life. The reason 95% of us are either dead or dead broke at the age of 65, is because about that same percentage of people live in blame.

It is impossible to succeed when you are constantly blaming others for your problems. If you blame anyone else for any aspect of your life, you have forefitted your personal power. You have given it to the person you blame, and they remain powerful in your life and you remain powerless.

If you are 11 years old, and you live in the ghetto, that’s your daddy’s fault. But if your 18, 25, or 55 years old and you live in the ghetto, that’s your fault! As a child, if you want to be bitter about where you live, and you want to blame someone, blame away! It’s not your fault. But if you’re an adult, the only thing blaming will do is keep you securely fastened to the bars of your self imposed prison.

Blame. Blame. Blame. Everyone wants to blame. Blame your mommy. Blame your daddy. Blame “the man.” Blame your boss. Blame your team. Blame your coach. Blame the economy, gas prices, the war in Iraq, the government, the republicans, the democrats. And some even have the audacity to blame God. Wow. Now, that’s some hard core blaming.

I used to blame people all the time for my woes. I blamed my parents for not getting me a basketball hoop when I was 12. I convinced myself that had they bought me one, I could have learned how to play ball, and gotten a college scholarship, and maybe even gone pro (true story). I didn’t get a scholarship, so I had to put myself through college. Every month, there was more and more month at the end of the money, so I had to drop out, so I could pick up more hours at work just to pay my bills. I blamed them for my dropping out of college. If they had more money, they could have paid for all of my college expenses, but they didn’t so I quit. And it was their fault. Sounds logical, right? I remember laying in bed one night wishing that Bill Clinton would get impeached. If he gets impeached, I thought, surely the economy will get better. Yes, I had a long list of people, things and circumstance to blame for why my life wasn’t working.

Then came the day that would set me free for ever. I made sure all of my room mates were gone, so they didn’t think I was crazy, and I went into the bathroom to sever myself permanently from my lackluster life. I looked myself in the mirror, and really gave it to myself. I wasn’t yelling, but my voice was raised to say the least. “You did this to you!” I said. “The reason you live in this house, and drive that car, and have no money is because of YOU! No one else! You are the one who have made all the decisions that have brought you to this point. You are the one who chose to hang around losers. You’re the one who works as little as possible. You did this! You did this!” And on and on I went. It was what I call a real snot-fest. I was bawling like a little child who just lost his puppy. It was very, very, very therapeutic to let it all out. And it’s important to note, that I wasn’t just acting or saying lines that I read in a book. I was authentically giving it to myself. I meant what I was doing, and had a life altering experience as a result.

As Jim Rohn says, when someone messes up, you gotta let them know they messed up. “But,” he warns, “don’t leave them in the mess.” So I had messed up, and I let myself know that I had messed up, but I didn’t want to leave myself in the mess. So here’s how that conversation in the mirror ended.

“Yes, you are the one responsible for everything in your life. But that was then, and this is now. Chris, three things. Number one, I forgive you. Number two, I love you. I really, really love you. And number three, IT’S ON LIKE DONKEY KONG! LET’S DO THIS!”

I knew when I walked out of the bathroom, I did so a new man. I knew I could now succeed. I had shed so much baggage. It’s hard to go anywhere with the world on your back. I had to let all that go. I knew from that day forward that my life would be one of my own making. I knew that I could go anywhere I wanted to go, and do anything I wanted to do if, I was willing to pay the price. I knew that all the successes in my life would be because of me. And I also knew that all my failures in life would be because of me. Truly knowing this for the first time was so liberating. I felt so powerful! I took my power back from my parents, from the President, from the economy, from my boss and everyone and everything else I had so freely given it to. And when you are powerful, for the first time in your life, amazing things start to happen… almost immediately!

Burning Desire

In Napoleon Hill’s classic book (available on my home page for free) Think & Grow Rich, he lists out the 13 things that successful people have in common. One of those things was burning desire. Each of the 500 people that he interviewed, who had become exceedingly successful, all agreed that having a burning desire is crucial to enjoying success. You gotta want it. And you gotta want it bad. Really bad! And, again, you’ve got to willing to pay the price.

If you don’t desire success, and don’t even care to have it, your chances of enjoying lasting success are pretty slim. That’s not to say it’s not possible, because it certainly is. But more often than not, you desires are what will propel you through turbulent waters and across arid terrain. This is an easy one. You either have it, or you don’t. If you do, lets move on.

Decission

For many, leaving a life of mediocrity for a better one is one of choice. Typically a decision is made. I know for me, it was a conscious, meditated, intentional decision to do what I had to do to enjoy the good life.

The word decision, or decide, means to bring to an end, or to settle conclusively. It comes from the latin word decidere, which means, to cut from. And that is exactly what needs to be done to accomplish the good you desire. You’ve got to cut yourself from a life of mediocrity. You’ve got to cut yourself from blame. You’ve gotta cut yourself from indolence. You’ve got to cut yourself from neglect. You’ve got to cut yourself from your negative associations. You’ve got to decide! You must decide that you must go forward, and that you will never go backward. It’s a conscious decision that needs to be made, and, is part of the preparation stage of success.

Let me give you a million dollar nugget I learned from Tony Robbins, before we move on.

You will know you have made a true decision because massive action will follow. If your decision is not followed by massive action, by marked differences in your activities, then you have not made a decision. If however, your decision is immediately trailed by massive action… congratulations, you are on your way!

Commitment

Commitment is doing the thing you said you would do, long after the mood you said it in has left you. That’s the best definition of commitment I’ve heard to date. In order to leave a mediocre life, or even one of flat out failure, a commitment must be made. A commitment similar to Og Madino’s. He said, “I will persist until I succeed.” That is commitment. But, remember, it’s one thing to say it, and something completely different to do it. And something different yet again to do it over the long haul, even in the midst of serious adversity and the mocking of family and friends.

When I started my first business as an adult, I signed on “until.” I was going to build that business for as long as I had to build it, until, I achieved my desired results. And because of that commitment, I became a millionaire in 8 years.

It seems to me that when a man or woman is truly committed, the universe seems to conspire with all of the elements around you to get you to your goal. One of my favorite quotes on commitment comes from Goethe, the philosopher.

Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now.

I have experienced this exact thing over, and over, and over again in my own life. Here’s how it looks for most people, and how it looked for me.

Commitment –> Obstacle –> Success –> Obstacle –> Success –> Obstacle –> Success

Notice this pattern begins with commitment. Once you’ve made the commitment, you just go after it. And note, just because you’re committed doesn’t mean you won’t have obstacles. You will. But obstacles are just there to weed out the weak and undeserving. If you are truly committed, you will push right through that obstacle and enjoy a season of success. But at every new level of success, is a new devil, a new challenge or obstacle there waiting for you. New level, new devil. But again, if you’re truly committed, you’ll either break through, go over, under or around everything that stands in your way.

That’s the preparation stage of success. It doesn’t have to be in the same order I put it in, but these are all things that typically occur in a persons life prior to enjoying success.

• The day of disgust (hitting rock bottom)
• Take responsibility
• Decide
• Commit

Sometimes a person can experience and do all of these things in one day, one week or one month. But more common, is to experience each of these things over time. As I look back on my life that brought me to the door of success, I can clearly see that I was being prepared for success. My failure, as much as I despised it, was the very thing preparing me to receive success.

So, if you are in the hotbed of failure, it may not be a bad thing. It may be exactly what you need to feel the burn long enough to finally do what you need to do to explode out of the mess of your life.

It may seem like we are taking the scenic route to the recipe for success, but I assure you the trip has not been meaningless. Most personal development gurus simply teach the action steps without dealing with the fact that you may have a demand or two that need to be dealt with. The preparation stage of success is like a foundation to a house. You can build a house on sand, skipping the foundation, if you want to save yourself some time. But if you want a house that will last, you’ve got to take the time to build a foundation.

Success is no different. I’ve seen many people throw up a house real quick, metaphirically speaking, only to have it crumble within a short period of time. And, I’ve seen some people build yet another house on the sand, after they lost the first one… only to lose it again. And then they tried again, and failed. And again, and failed again. The foundation, the preperation, is critical.

Ok, now it’s time! Now it’s time to discuss the recipe of success. And we will jump into that in my next post! Stay tuned!

Regards,





C.S. Hughes
Chief Visionary Officer
Personal Development for Free
http://www.PD4Free.com
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